It was back to work for me this past week and a lot had changed in a few months. We had moved to a larger space but had not increased our staff for this. Working there has become a nightmare, a hellhole. The picture of the Chinese building our railroads kept coming to mind and I felt very much like I could relate to them on some level.
When I got off my 12hour night shift on Monday a.m. I just could not even imagine facing the paddles, but even worse would be going to my hellhole to work with such discomfort already plaguing me.
I know I need the discipline more than anything else, however I also know I could not do so with the combination of such poor working conditions in place. I have already begun applying elsewhere and will continue to do so until I can find somewhere else to work under “normal” conditions.
Going to work each day is like facing torture for me at the moment so heaping on the spanking diet would be the same and lose it’s meaning very fast.
This diet is far too important to me for it to lose it’s meaning, and become something that MUST be done. If it becomes something that is done in this manner, I know it will lose all meaning, becoming something I just do like brushing my teeth. That is not and has not ever been the case. I don’t want it to become so.
So for all of you who were wondering what this Monday’s session was like for me, it didn’t happen. I have been in fact so exhausted from work this last week that I have slept pretty much the whole 48hours that I had off between shifts with just snippets of wakefulness such as this.
The good news was that being worked like a dog I lost 4.4 pounds in one week and had stayed totally on my diet, so I would have had maintenance only…..right only! Anyway B and I will try to find a solution so that we can continue and I in the meantime am looking for a different job…….no way I will stay where I am.
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